Prehistoric Women (1950)

We covered a movie about prehistoric women last time, with the review of the Wild Women of Wongo, but today's movie is literally Prehistoric Women.

Synopsis: A tribe of all women, who escaped the men of their tribe for being cruel, goes around capturing men to have their way with them. When Engor's band of hunters is captured, only he escapes. He soon returns to rescue his comrades, but himself becomes the slave of the leader of the tribe. 

It must have been easy for the actors on this movie. Not a single word of dialogue is spoken by them. Well unless you count their name and grunts. Apparently cave men were like Pokemon and had to communicate by only saying their name. So we get most of "story" from a narrator who tells us everything that is happening or is said. It's kinda like the Creeping Terror, only this time it was done on purpose and not cause some idiot lost half the audio tracks.

I also find it odd that they wasted color on such a low ball movie. This was the early 50's and color film was still really expensive, and wasn't to used on just any movie. Maybe that's why this one turned out so cheap, they spent all their money on the film and hoped the novelty of being in color would be enough to ensure good box office.

Strangely enough this movie was actually remade by Hammer Studios in 1967. I haven't seen that version, but I'm guessing this one at least stuck in the mind of some people in that Hammer thought they could make money off a remake instead of just making their own original cave girl movie. So maybe color film was enough for people to remember it.

Prehistoric Women gets a 3 out of 5 on the Cheese-O-Meter.

Until next time, see you on the front line.

-Matt

Wild Women of Wongo (1958)

Beauty is on the inside...that is unless you live in Wongo. The Wild Women of Wongo shows that it doesn't really matter what you look like, as long as you are hot. It is a good lesson on how the world really works.

Synopsis: On the island of Wongo all the women are beautiful, but the men are all ugly. When the handsome son of the king of a neighboring island arrives to seek the help of the men of Wongo in holding back an invasion of Ape Men from the sea, the women instantly fall in love with him. The King's son likewise has never seen women as pretty as those of Wongo, as all the maidens of his tribe are ugly while all the men are handsome. The Women of Wongo soon decide to claim these handsome men for themselves!

The real lesson of this movie is don't be ugly. But really no one in this movie is a hideous beast. The men of Wongo aren't really ugly per-say, they just aren't as handsome as the men from the other island. It's the same for the women of the other island. Even the "Ape Men" aren't that ugly. I guess this is Hollywood ugly, which is different then normal ugly.

This is another one of those movies where it is just an excuse to sit in a theater and watch hot ladies bath and cat fight with each other. Doesn't really get much deeper then that. There are actually two WTF moments in this film. The first is this crazy narration from Mother Nature at the opening of the movie explaining how things got like this on the two islands. Turns out it was a little experiment she and Father Time cooked up. It's just really strange thing to start the film off with.

The second moment is that there is a talking bird giving commentary all through the movie. We are constantly getting cut aways to this bird who comes out will little smart ass quips about everything. He's even on the poster up there, word balloon and all.

Wild Women of Wongo gets a 3 out of 5 on the Cheese-O-Meter.

Until next time, see you on the front line.

-Matt

She Gods of Shark Reef (1958)

Ah Roger Corman...let his name be praised. If you haven't guessed, he is he man that brought us today's film: The She Gods of Shark Reef!

Synopsis: When a gun smuggling operation goes wrong and the smuggler is forced to kill two guards, he stows away on his brother's boat to escape. But the ship crashes into a reef and the two brothers find themselves trapped on a island of nothing but pretty native girls who make a living by diving for huge pearls. While one brother falls in love, the others eyes are only on the pearls and a way to escape the island with them. 

This movie is really nothing more then an excuse to look at pretty native girls and oiled up buff guys. The plot, if it can be called that, is just there to make sure we get plenty of shots of that. There is a sub-plot about an angry god and how he punishes the native girls, but it's really a back burner thing...and an excuse to get the girls in even less cloths when some are sacrificed to the sharks.

She Gods of Shark Reef gets a 3 out of 5 on the Cheese-O-Meter.

Until next time, see you on the front line.

-Matt

The Amazing Transparent Man (1960)

No, it's not the Invisible Man, it's his cheaper cousin The Amazing Transparent Man.

Synopsis: A crazed former Army man, breaks a master safe cracker out of prison. In exchange for his freedom, the safe cracker must steal nuclear material for him in order to make a army of invisible soldier to take over the world. To make sure the theft succeeds, he turns him invisible as well.
This movie is O.K. for an Invisible Man rip off, course it does amount to just a bunch of people talking to thin area while the actor shouts his lines at them from off camera. This is one of those great Atom Age movies. You know where everyone and their cousin either grew 50 feet, turned invisible, or became an unstoppable monster, thanks to good old  nuclear radiation. Now we know it just gives you the power  to die of cancer, but back then all things where possible with the help of the atom.

I'd suggest this movie to anyone that is interested in this area of films and all it's one of kind monster movies. In my opinion the 50's and 60's where the golden age of B-Movies and this film is a good example of exactly those kinds of films. If they wrote a text book on how to make these movies, this one would be right out of it. That isn't to say it doesn't have it's drawbacks. It's slow, and a little on the hard to swallow side at times. The effects where bad even for the time, let alone looking at them now. Course of that is to be expected from a B-movie. It's also more of a prison break and blackmail movie, then it is a Sci-Fi film.

The Amazing Transparent Man gets a 3 out 5 on the Cheese-O-Meter.

Until next time, see you on the front line.

-Matt

The Killer Shrews (1959)

"I'm Gonna cuff'em and stuff'em!" I so wish James Best had broke this line out when fighting The Killer Shrews. This movie also has has Festus from Gun Smoke, so if Best had broke out that line then I guess he would have had to have gone "Matthew!"

Synopsis: When a boat captain delivers supplies to a research facility on a lonely island, he becomes trapped with the rest of the researchers. Between him and his boat and escape are hundred of genetically altered giant shrews that are now starving and the only food left on the island are the humans.
This is one of those lesson movies that were big in the fifties and sixties. All kinds of messages about stuff like overpopulation and messing with nature. I will admit that this movie isn't that bad, but half the time I think the lesson might be on the evils of drink, since they are boozing it up about one very fifteen minutes. I don't know about you but if I was fighting for my life against giant shrews that would tear me open and eat me alive, the last thing I'd want to be was plastered.

The Screaming Skull (1958)

Did you know that if you die from fright while watching the Screaming Skull, that the producers will actually pay for your funeral? Don't worry though, that's not going to happen cause this movie isn't scary.

Synopsis: When Eric and his new wife Jenni move into the house that was shared by Eric and his first wife, who died at the home, Jenni begins to see and hear the ghostly Screaming Skull and believes she is being tormented by Eric's dead wife. 

If I could describe this movie in one word it wouldn't be frightening, or scary, or spine tingling (wait, that's two words), it would be boring. This move drags like Ru Paul. I zoned out after about the first fifteen minutes of this movie. I had to force myself to pay attention so I could write this review.

On top of being boring, it's also not all that scary. I mean maybe this is like 1958 scary or something. Maybe it didn't take as much scare people to death back then. I mean I remember hearing that people passed out watching The Exorcist, and I just can't imagine that either. I guess it could be the times. It's also just as possible that this movie was never scary to start with.

Screaming Skull gets 2 out 5 on the Cheese-O-Meter.

Until next time, see you on the front line.

Invasion of the Neptune Men (1961)

Ah Japan, how good you are to me. If you haven't guessed today's movie, Invasion of the Neptune Men, is a nice little gem from Japan. This movie starred a very young Sonny Chiba, who went on to star in many a martial arts movie later on in his career, but here is playing the intergalactic super hero "Space Chief."

Synopsis: When a group of school boys watching for a returning satellite instead stumble upon a landed alien space craft, they are almost taken prisoner by the Neptune Men, until Space Chief arrives to save the day. It is soon clear that the these invaders from another planet mean to take over the world and so Space Chief, and a group of scientist (One of which is Space Chief's alter ego) have to find a way to save the world.

I love these Japanese super hero movies. They are great. They are sort of like pre-Power Rangers. This movie's WTF moment comes when we get some WW2 stock footage to show the Neptune Men destroying the city. The thing is that one of the buildings has a huge picture of Hitler on the side and you are like "Whaaaaaaaaaaaaat?" I mean this movie is suppose to take place in the 60's, so you are telling me that in the 15 plus years since the end of the war no one though to take that down? Well good thing the Neptune Men blew it up. Other then that, the really crazy moments in this movie aren't really that crazy when you take into account it is a Japanese kids movie.

Invasion of the Neptune Men gets 4 out 5 on the Cheese-O-Meter.

Until next time, see you on the front line.

-Matt

The Magic Sword (1962)

I know that looks like He-Man over there,  but this isn't an entry for the live action Masters of the Universe movie. No, this is for the 1962 film "The Magic Sword." Like Manos, this this another film that was riffed on Mystery Science Theater 3000. Unlike Manos, this one is not that bad.

Synopsis: George has fallen in love with the Princess Helene, so when she is kidnapped by an evil Wizard named Lodac, who plans to fed her to his Dragon in seven days, he steals an enchanted steed, armor, and the magic sword in order to rescue her.

This movie is corny, but all movies from this time period were. There are a few moments, however, that make you wonder if you are having a bad acid trip, but really that is where this movie's charm lies. I actually really love this movie. It is one of those sit on the couch and veg movies. It reminds me of one of those Russian folklore movies made about this time as well. If you've never seen one of those...just wait I'm sure I'll review one here on this very blog.

The Magic Sword gets 4 out of 5 on the Cheese-O-Meter.

Until next time, see you on the front line.

-Matt
 

Jesse James Meets Frankenstein's Daughter (1966)

I didn't know anything about this movie before I bought it, the title alone sold me. Jesse James Meets Frankenstein's Daughter is exactly that...Jesse James meets Frankenstein's granddaughter. Well the title was almost right.

Synopsis: When a stage coach robbery goes wrong and Jesse James' partner in crime takes a bullet to the chest, he goes into town to find a Doctor for him. Instead, he runs into the granddaughter of the famous Doctor Frankenstein who has fled to America in order to continue her late grandfather's experiments, and she plans to turn Jame's partner into her next monster. 

For such a crazy title this movie is a little on the bland side. The story actually makes a bit of sense, and it doesn't have any of those really "What the..." moment either. In fact the first half of this movie is a pretty straight forward western, and the latter half is a typical Frankenstein movie. It wasn't so much genre mixing as it was cutting two genre movies in half and taping their ends together.

Jesse James Meet's Frankenstein's Daughter gets a 3 out of 5 on the Cheese-On-Meter

Until next time, see you on the front line.

-Matt

Yongary: Monster From the Deep (1967)

A giant monster is terrorizing an Asian country, smashing buildings and spitting fire. Your mind instantly goes to Godzilla, but that's not who we are talking about today. No, today's movie is title Yongary: Monster From the Deep. And it's not even from Japan, it's a giant monster movie out of South Korea.

Synopsis: When a atom bomb is tested in the Middle East, it awakens a terrible monster which travels underground causing massive Earthquakes. When the monster surfaces he is right in the middle of South Korea and begins to reek havoc. 

This movie is actually pretty good. Just as good as any Godzilla movie. You're not expecting much coming in, but this movie is full of surprises. In fact the plot holds together a little better then some of it's Japanese counterparts. Anyway I'd suggest this movie to anyone that's a fan of the Kaiju genre and hasn't seen this film.

Yongary: Monster From the Deep gets a 4 out 5 on the Cheese-O-Meter.

Until next time, see you on the front line.

-Matt

Manos: The Hands of Fate (1966)

Well I'm breaking my own rules. I said I didn't want to review movies that where already done by Mystery Science Theater 3000, but that really limits what I can do. That show had almost 200 episode and they did some of the best B-Movies out there. So, I figured if I was going to start reviewing movies done by MST3K then I should start with the 900lb Gorilla of them all...Manos: The Hands of Fate.

Synopsis: A couple and their young child become lost while looking for a place called Valley Lodge and instead end up in the house of the Master of the evil cult of Manos, and his servant Torgo. The couple desperately try to escape, but there is no escape from the hands of fate. 

This movie has been called the worst movie ever made several times. It's not. I've seen far worse then this movie. It's bad, but not the end all beat all of B-Movies. Off the top of my head I can think of two movies, Monster a Go-Go, and Curse of the Headless Horseman, that are worse then Manos, and I'm sure there are several others as well. Despite not being the worse, Manos is still a must see for anyone who loves bad movies. Which is easy to do as the movie is in public domain, so there are tons of companies that market a DVD of this movie.

Manos: The Hands of Fate gets a 5 out 5 on the Cheese-O-Meter

Until next time, see you on the front line.

-Matt

The Galaxy Invader (1985)

Alien comes to Earth. Alien kills Earthlings. Earthlings kills Alien. It's a tried and true formula and it's the formula that today's offering, The Galaxy Invader, follows...although with a very small budget.

Synopsis: After meteor falls outside a small town, people in the surrounding area start dying. The locals start try to hunt down the creature, while a scientist with an interest in UFO also tries to find the creature before they can destroy it.

The really funny thing about this movie is that the alien isn't really the star of this movie. The drunken, red neck, abusive father that only seems to have one torn to shreds shirt, is. I mean really this movie seems to be more about proving what a horrible human being this guy is then it is about some alien invader.

This movie is sort of like Beetlejuice, in that the title character really isn't in the movie as much as  you'd think. That is not to say this isn't a good B-Movie (which is far different from being just a good movie.) In fact I'd say this is almost a perfect B-movie. This movie has everything it should. Bad acting, wandering plot, over the top character, and stuff that makes you scratch your head and wonder. That makes for a fun movie to sit down and laugh at it's absurdities

The Galaxy Invader gets a 5 out of 5 on the Cheese-O-Meter.

Until next time, see you on the front line.

-Matt

 

Kingdom of the Spiders (1977)

Sometimes the B moves in mysterious ways. This is one of those times. I was sitting around minding my own business trying to decide what movie to review next. As I was channel surfing and thinking this problem over, fate took it out of my hands when I turned to IFC. Wouldn't you know what was on, but the B-Movie 1977 classic "Kingdom of the Spiders." starring none other then William Shatner. I took this as a sign and so here is my review of said movie.

Synopsis: When a local rancher's cows start to die they call in the local Vet played by William Shatner. What they discover is that Spiders have been killing the livestock, and now they've set their sights  on the human population of the town.

This movie is famous, but only because of it's star William Shatner. Star Trek had been off the air for awhile, but TJ Hooker was still a few years off so it was a low point for the Shat man when he did this movie. Although he does it with the Shatner flair that has made him famous.

I'll be honest there are other "Spider Invasion" movies out there that I like better, most notably "The Giant Spider Invasion." Kingdom is, however, about a hundred times better then "Eight Legged Freaks." So it falls someplace between those two extremes. When you take Shatner's overacting, and how serious this movie seems to take it's self despite it's subject matter it does make for a pretty enjoyable watch.

Kingdom of the Spiders gets a 4 out of 5 on the Cheese-O-Meter.

Until next time, see you on the front line.

-Matt

The Head (1962)

Today's movie, The Head, comes to us from Germany. You don't see a lot of these kinds of movies come from there. In fact this is the first one I've encountered, but that's not to say they aren't very good at it. Out of all the "head in a jar" movies this is one of the best.

Synopsis: When a scientist, who is an expert in keeping limbs alive separated from the body, has a tragic accident, his assistant keeps his head alive so that he can tell him how to remove the head of a hunchback nurse and attach it to the body of a local stripper.

This movie is very much like "The Brain That Wouldn't Die." and oddly the plot of the second X-Files movie is also similar. I think in the case of the latter it actually might have been inspired by it. This movie is much darker, however, then "The Brain that Wouldn't Die". I'm guessing that it's the German coming out in it. The problem with that is it takes a lot of "camp" out of the movie, and that makes it not nearly as fun to watch. 

This movie still gets 3 out 5 on the Chesse-O-Meter, just because it is actually a pretty good movie even if it isn't the laughable campy that I was expecting.

Until next time, see you on the front line. 

-Matt 

Atomic Rulers (1964)

Well I'm tired of looking at nothing but white guys in these movies, so off I go to the Land of the Rising sun for today's movie: Atomic Rulers! This movie is actually two movies, Super Giant and Super Giant Continues, edited together to make one film and then released in the states. Although these movies where made in 1957, they weren't released in the US till 1964.

Synopsis: On the Emerald Planet, the council discovers a plot where the nation of Merpol  plans to sell nuclear weapons to the other nations of the world. Fearing that an all out nuclear war will occur on Earth and that the radiation will reach their own world they send their mightiest hero, Starman, to stop the evil plot.

Starman was apparently one of Japan's first superheros. His powers come from a watch like device on his wrist called a Globe-Meter. With this device he has the power to fly through space, detect radiation, and speak and understand any language. Although Starman also is shown using super strength and is impervious to bullets, these aren't listed as part of his powers.

Honestly this movie is just a lot of fun to watch if you don't think about it too much. It's pretty straight forward. Bad guys try to do bad things, and Starman stops them. Of course there is a whole gaggle of kids running around helping Starman, (and getting captured a lot too) like any good Japanese movie of this kind seems to have. Looking at this thing through adult eyes you can say it was a bad movie, but if you look at it from a kids point of view it's just really a good way to spend a Saturday afternoon.

Atomic Rulers gets a 4 out 5 on the Cheese-O-Meter.

Until next time, see you on the front line.

-Matt

Prisoners of the Lost Universe (1983)

Post Battlestar Galactica wasn't a good time for Richard Hatch. It was one low-key movie after another. Prisoners of the Lost Universe was one of those film. I think they might have been trying to play up the Sci-Fi angle here. People that watched BSG would most likely be fans of Sci-Fi and they'd also know who Hatch was. I could see what they were trying to do here. Course he was willing to do it, he wanted to keep eating. John Saxon also shows up in this thing.

Synopsis:  A news reporter, and a repair man get transported to another dimension when a earthquake hits the science lab and sends them tumbling into a matter transporter. They soon find themselves in a strange world that they must fight their way across in order to find the scientist that invented the machine that sent them there in the first place.

This  movie gets panned pretty hard, but it's not all that bad. I know I've said that about a lot of movies on here and you might start thinking I just like anything out on film. That is not the case. There is one movie, that in my opinion is the worst movie ever made, that I have been avoiding reviewing just because I don't know how I can sit through a another viewing of it. But I digress, we aren't talking about that movie yet.

This flick isn't a thinking man's movie, but it really never was suppose to be. It's just suppose to be a fun, PG rated, Sci-Fi adventure movie. It's suppose to be like Star Wars, but with 1/25th it's budget, and 1/125th it's audience. There is even a point where they play a slide whistle when some bad guys fall from a cliff, so this movie isn't taking it's self seriously. It's worth checking out on afternoon when you just want to zone out and have something playing on the TV.

Prisoners of the Lost Universe gets a 4 out of 5 on the chesse-o-meter.

Until next time, see you on the front line.

-Matt

Project: Kill (1976)

Leslie Neilson in non-spoof role? Surely you can't be serious. I am serious, and don't call me Shirley. Although I wouldn't call this movie serious. Oh, it was intended to be, but after seeing it it is hard to take it as so. This is Neilson pre-Airplane, post Forbidden Planet. So it's not a Neilson most people have have seen.

Synopsis: A top agent of a secret government project goes rogue after he finds out that the men he has trained are being used as assassins, rather that for protection of government officials. His former partner is sent to hunt him down before he blow the whistle on the whole project.

This movie is all kinds of corny, but the good kind of corny that makes you chuckle a little when things play out on the screen. The movie takes it's self to seriously and that's almost part of the charm of it.

One of these things in this movie that is kinda strange is there isn't really a clear cut good and bad guy. Neilson's character seems to be doing the right thing, but in the wrong way. It also doesn't help that he has gone cold turkey from his mind control meds and things start going a little wacky with him. His former partner seems to be doing the wrong thing, but in the right way. So by the end you really don't know who was in the right and who was in the wrong, but a lot of movies from this era where like that. You'd have movies like the previously reviewed Stanley, where he is stopping poachers but he is also a maniac. It's just strange is all.

Project: Kill gets 3 out 5 on the cheese-o-meter.

Till next time, see you on the front line.

-Matt 

Madmen of Mandoras (1963)

Welcome back to another edition of the B-Movie Blitzkrieg. Today we look at a pretty infamous film, but not in the way most people know it. See most people know this movie as "They Saved Hitler's Brain." The movie we are looking at today is called "Madmen of Mandras". Same movie, different title. Apparently the title isn't the only different in these two films. About twenty minutes of new footage was added to this movie when it was re-released, and re-titled in 1966. Most of the added footage stands out pretty bad I'm told. Lucky for us we have the original here, and don't worry...they do in fact save Hitler's brain in this one too.

Synopsis: When a leading scientist, who knows the antidote to one of the most deadly nerve gases ever created, disappears along with one of his daughters, his other daughter and her husband go looking for him in the Central American country of Mandoras. When they arrive they find a deadly plot of world domination by Nazi's that fled Germany...and yes, they saved Hitler's brain.

I'll be honest, I wish I was reviewing They Saved Hitler's Brain instead of this movie, if only for the crazy title. This title is meant to preserve the twist of seeing Hitler's decapitated head in a jar about two-thirds of the way through this flick. I admit the surprise is better, but when you see a movie titled "They Saved Hitler's Brain" you just have to watch it.

This movie gets a lot of flak for being one of the worst movies ever made, but it's not really. It's no worse then most of the B-Movies made around this time period. If it wasn't for the outlandish plot twist, then this movie would have been lost in the sea of drive-in double feature movies. Oh and I just have to show you people this picture. If this doesn't make you want to see this movie then I don't know what will.


See!!! Isn't that crazy? It's Hitler's head in jar. Sooooo awesome. Anyway, this one gets a 4 out 5 on the Cheese-O-Meter.

Until next time, see you on the front line.

-Matt

Stanley (1972)

Snakes...I hate them, but Tim loves them. So much so that they are his only friends. His favorite is a rattlesnake named Stanley, who he takes with him everywhere.

Synopsis: When Native American Tim, finds a local Florida business man is poaching snakes off the reservation to make his snake skin products, Tim takes justice into his own hands and unleashes his army of deadly snakes on them in revenge.

This movie is a rip off of 1971's Willard. Just replace rats with snakes and you got this movie. This movie didn't really creep me out as much as I was expecting. As a person with a fear of snakes, I was hesitant to even watch this film. It didn't, however, deliver the crawling skin feeling I'm so use to on seeing a snake. If it couldn't put the fear of snakes in me, I don't know if it could have done it to a person not normally afraid of snakes.

There was a lot of actual snake killings caught on film in this movie, all of which where rather disturbing. The worse was when we get a close up of a rattlesnake being blown away by a shot gun. It was really blech. Another thought that was constantly in my mind is how the actor who played Tim didn't die during the making of this movie. The rattlesnakes around him are constantly rattling away, looking like they are about to strike and he is just grabbing them and slinging them around and getting in their faces. They must have pulled the snakes teeth or something.

Stanley gets a 3 out 5 on the cheese-o-meter.

Until next time, see you on the front line.

-Matt

Nightmare in Wax (1969)

Three movies in three days? I must be on a roll. Today we look at Nightmare in Wax. One of a string of horror movies that have to do with Wax Museums. No idea why people think those are scary. I guess because they are so life like, and that equals creepy. But whatever.

Synopsis: When make up artist Vince is disfigured by his boss and his fiancee leaves him, he set out a plot of revenge that involves turning everyone that has wronged him into living wax statues and putting them on display at the wax museum where he works.

This movie followed in the footsteps of 1953's "House of Wax" which was it's self a remake of an earlier film from the 30's. There really isn't anything to special about this film. It's by no means a film masterpiece, but at the same time you don't have to wonder if it was made by a fertilizer sales man on the weekend. It's clear that this was made by people that had made movies before.

That funniest thing about this movie is how stupid the police are. Every time someone disappears a wax statue of them by Vince appears in the museum a few days later. They even interview him like three times, since he knew all the victims and had grudges against, before they figure it out. At least they don't try to hide who the killer is from the audience, because to do so would be to assume we are as stupid as the police in this movie. And that would be pretty insulting.

Nightmare in Wax gets 3 out 5 on the cheese-o-meter.

Until next time, see you on the front line.

-Matt

Warriors of the Wasteland (1984)

You've seen Mad Max right? Well so did the makers of Warriors of the Wasteland. That's what this is, a dollar store version of the Mad Max movies from our friends in Italy.

Synopsis: After a nuclear holocaust the survivors fight for their lives against a deadly wasteland gang known as the Templars, as they search for any signs that civilization has endured someplace in the world. When a stranger comes out of the waste, he offers hope, and may be able to defeat the Templars once and for all.

This film goes under a lot of different names including Metropolis 2000 and The New Barbarians. You know this movie is actually pretty well done considering how cheaply it was made. I mean it is still a rip off of a big budget movie, but still not that bad.

There is one really WTF moment in this movie. You see our hero is captured by the leader of the bad guys, and he is all tied up and you think he is going to torture him. Well he does...in a way. The bad guy rapes our hero! I mean it's not like graphic, but you know what is going on. This is how my thought process went down: "What is he....is he....Ohhhhhhh ewww he is." I mean I don't remember Tina Turner corn holing Mad Max in Beyond Thunderdome. Course it was Tina Turner, so she might have. I think she did that to Mick Jagger.


Anyway....Warriors of the Wasteland gets a 4 out 5 on the cheese-o-meter.


Until next time, see you on the front line.

-Matt

Star Odyssey (1979)

Star Odyssey (1979)

We are going with a different format today and might be what I use from now on out if it works well. Also I'll be using this format as a test bed for a book about B-Movies that I have started working on. So bare with me here.

Today with look at one of the movies that made me what to do this blog in the first place (along with Kung Fu from Beyond the Grave) It is the 1979 Italian Star Wars rip off, Star Odyssey!

Synopsis: When Earth is sold off to the highest bidder in a space auction to an evil space lord intent on enslaving mankind, Professor Mauri must put together a crack team that includes A psychic, a robot boxer, two con-men, and a couple of always depressed robots, in order to figure out a way to save the whole world.

This movie is the last of a trilogy of Italian Sci-Fi flicks that use a lot of the same sets and costumes. The other two are Cosmos: War of the Planets, and War of the Robots. Which I'm sure we will also review here at some point in the future.

This flick is bad, but it is bad in that really great way that makes you love this movie. It's silly and you have to keep watching to see what comes next and if they can top it, and they always does. When we get the way over the top "Hollywood" (often times just called Holly) and all his crazy posing and 1930's hero act, we then see man bare knuckle boxing a robot to up the stakes over that. Then, just when you think that they couldn't do any better, we get a couple of suicidal robots who can never remember why they were trying to end it all.

Star Odyssey is the movie that keeps on giving. If you only track down one movie that you see me review on this site, let it be this one.

I'm giving this a 5 out 5 on the Chess-o-meter.

Until next time, see you on the front line.

-Matt

More Movies From The Vault.

Well I told you that list from last time could grow and wouldn't you know it, it has. Course it was due to me finding another stash of B-Movies I'd forgot about, but still. What? I should actually be doing a review? Well you are in luck as I've started a review of the Star Wars rip off "Star Odyssey" and with the incoming blizzard (A first for my area I'm told) I'll have plenty of time to work on it.

Anyway, back to my found stash. Like last time we are using the key below, but frankly isn't much need as I think only one of these will use it.

Red=Riffed by Mystery Science Theater 3000
Blue=Riffed by Film Crew
Green=Riffed by Riff Trax
Yellow=Riffed by Cinematic Titanic
*=Already Reviewed

Alien from LA.
Blood of Dracula's Castle
Blood Mania
Brain Twisters
Devil's Hand, The
Land That Time Forgot, The
Madmen of Mandoras, The (AKA They Saved Hitler's Brain)
Nightmare in Wax
Panic in the Year Zero
People That Tine Forgot, The
Prime Evil
Satan's Slave
Stanley
Terrified
Terror
Trip with Teacher

And that's it for now. I can already tell you that Stanley is going to be reviewed on this blog at some point. Nightmare in Wax is also looking good.

Till next time, see you on the front line.

-Matt